Centerfuge

There is the time that passes and changes you, and the time that leaves you bare. Moments in a life that seem to capture some essence of who you are, or who you will become. There are many episodes in time that are pivotal to one's character. For me, the mid spring/summer months around my 23rd birthday would be that centerfuge by which my psyche revolves even today.

I found her here on MySpace. That small buddah like cherub that I held in my arms, is now 18 years old. I stared blankly at her picture for a long time thinking I would recognise her, know her somehow. A pixie in her own right. Different than her mother. For that I am glad. Lovely, dark haired and somehow brooding. I imagine she would be. But so much time has passed. She wouldent remember me. Not that I would expect her to. Or even want that.

But I remember her... She used to love to put the small round crystal I wore on my neck into her tiny baby mouth. That pendant was a touchstone for me during that time. She used to seek it out sparkling in the hot Mexico sun. Gobbling up the clarity that was so missing for all of us then. That clarity that is still missing, even now.

I still have that pendant. I cant bear to wear it. I wonder why I hold on to it then? I so rarely look at it there in my jewlery box. Except that it holds a place for me. Marks that time which is so fragmented. It is one of only a few objects that I desperatley hold on to prove to myself that that period of time existed. It's existance tells me something. It makes me laugh a little to think of it's circular shape. The axis by which it was made, and worn. The place that it rested there on my body, between my heart and my voice. That place so much a turning point, a point of rotation, that marked center...